Well after posting my 1st blog (then correcting a spelling mistake after, oops), I decided it was time to take my first steps towards achieving my goals, which initially is to give up the cigarettes and alcohol. I have just called to make a doctors appointment at my local surgery to register. Of course this is not as easy it it would seem, I need ID, proof of address and my NHS number. ID: check, proof of address: check, NHS number: no. So I called my old surgery on the advice of the receptionist that I spoke to at my new one; only to be told that she couldn't give it to me over the phone and that I would have to phone another number and order a new Medical Card.
If you only knew of my passion for red tape and bureaucracy, really it fills me with the joys of rotting fruit. So after jumping through hoops I have now got everything to register (or at least on it's way to me).
But what of this appointment, how far am I going to go with the doctor? Or how far will they go to help? Most will offer patches, gum or even Champix (a new medication which helps with the cravings of nicotine withdrawal), to help patients quit smoking. They will freely advise on Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in the local area. But, if Mitch Wineouse is to be believed if I have a drug addiction I am going to fall short because I am not in court trying to get rehab as a plea? I feel that my addictions of past with narcotics are far behind me and have not been a regular user and abuser in about 4 years. It seems to have just drifted from my nature, outgrown it you might say. Yes, I still enjoy the odd dabble, though 3 times in the past year is no comparison to the tales of glamour and excess of my mid 20's.
If only the socially acceptable drugs of choice (nicotine & alcohol) were so easy to fall from my grace. I have been reassessing my need to have these in my life. As a heavy smoker who chains 30 a day, I feel this is going to be an enormous hurdle and feel those around me my have a bit of trouble dealing with my mood swings. Knowing people who have done it through will power, people who have used patches and people who have used the new wonder drug Champix, I have a plethora of aids at my disposal courtesy of my GP. I would also consider hypnotherapy, but at £200 initial outlay it seems quite steep in comparison. Maybe I'll try the good old NHS first.
Now the booze is slightly harder to pigeonhole. My friends are turning their backs on cigarettes in their droves, but alcohol, never. I am a heavy drinker, much different to when I was in my mid 20's when booze was my life and finishing work would mean a trip to the supermarket to pick up something for dinner as well as a selection of wine or spirits. My life in London has changed my drinking style, possibly my attitude to it as well. I work on average 60 hours per week and see my friends rarely. I still manage to rack up the units here and there though. After work will result in maybe a bottle of wine or a couple of pints, a night in can be a nice steak and a bottle of port, yet with my friends I feel I am invincible and can drink the bar or off license dry. It's seems that I feel I have to make up for lost time and so I will turn up with a bottle of spirits or 2 bottles of port or a box of wine. We all partake in this binge drinking, yet only I seem to be the one who has absolutely no control. I drink until I can't stand or pass out, whichever comes first. So here lies my dilemma... Do I give up drinking temporarily? Permanently? Or for a significant period of time until I feel I can exert some restraint and respect for the demon drink?
To this question I have no answer. Though one thing I am certain of; I can't carry on drinking the way I do, if not only for the state of my health for my relationships with my friends. The quote most recently mentioned that decided this was 'It was nice to see you stoned for a change, much preferable to you drunk.' The fact was that it was true, there directly from the mouth of a very close friend. It's not the first time friends have discussed my drinking, in fact it was a regular topic amongst them a few years back generally after I had left for another party or to get sleep before work. A clanger would always be dropped by someone at some point, 'Oh we were all talking about how much you drink the other night.' Everyone had their concerns but I felt nobody ever confronted me about it so carried on the downward spiral.
Should they have intervened though? To be honest, the amount that I was drinking, I doubt I would have listened. Today is Wednesday and I have not had a drink in 72 hours, I am currently challenging myself to see how long I can go as I left a friends house on Sunday in a complete and utter state and negotiated public transport to get home. If I had seen someone in the state I was in on Sunday, I would have been disgusted. I have 2 dinner parties to go to in the next 2 days and I intend on staying sober at both, again as part of the test.
Who knows what the run up to Christmas will hold. Work will be so busy and stressful, seems the perfect time to give up both cigarettes and alcohol.
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