Whose button is it anyway?

I have so many friends where different rules apply. Some you can speak of one thing and others you wouldn't dream of it. This is not a bad thing, it doesn't mean we are 2 faced, we just all have different personalities for different people. The issue arises when those boundaries become blurred, of which many have happened to me. I have lost count of the number of times I have had to apologise for my actions or something I have said to someone who has not necessarily been on that level. Some I can indulge in politically incorrect humour, some with political and current affairs, some with emotions, and others just for a bloody great time talking complete and utter shite. My friends cover all my bases, for that I love them. We have shared interests across the board and I may have heated debates with one, yet with another the same issue would cause a row a hundred men could join in.

So why is it that with certain friends we feel the need to court controversy by pushing their buttons? I am a bugger for this. I will wind people up to the point of pushing them to the edge of the cliff of our friendship, especially when I have had a drink, if not more so. My mother said that I would try the patience of a saint when I was a child, but when visiting relatives, I was as good as gold. So is there something intrinsically cantankerous within my nature? Why do I feel the need to drive some friends fucking crazy? In the past week I have managed to test a friendship and get it back through a lot of apologies, all of which were sincere; but, it was like I just couldn't resist myself indulging in what I deemed in my drunken brain as acceptable. Only in hindsight do I realise that what some friends think is funny, others most certainly will not. This is one of the many reasons I need to understand and control my alcoholism, to develop my boundaries. Why should it be one rule for the rich and another for the poor? Why can't I just be equally friendly and considerate to all of my friends? What is the reason that some will tolerate my, well, almost bullying. Surely in my head I am aware that after 14 years of schooling, most of which I was the victim of bullying, that this is not fucking acceptable. Slandering friends and calling them names is what happens in the playground, not in a social situation?

This is not derived from any circumstances in particular, just a reflection on what I have dealt out to some friends and seen them do to each other. I am certain that by the age of 21 we should have all grown up by now, especially as some are nearer the 30 mark. Maybe it is time we comprehend what fantastic friends we actually have and celebrate the wonderful things we do for each other instead of making little snide remarks in order to get a reaction or play to a crowd. I for one intend on making this change and looking out for my friends more, let's face it, I have ditched all the false sycophants and tyrants to be with them.